Zoe

Zoe aka Zoester the Coaster

Rawr rawr MERAW
You want to know about training dogs, especially for scaredy-cats... well I can help... I was taught by Lady Cat who had almost 20 years experience... but, before she left she told to pass on all her knowledge to all kittens and cats... she was good, she even had Jason Dog trained to use a litter box before our humans couldd train him to go outside... but that's another story for another day...

The first thing Lady taught me is to remember that a dog is a dog and I am a cat and therefore I, as the superior being, am in control... size and teeth and a small tunnel vision brain cannot compete with feline wiles...

I'll tell you how we broke Rascal of chasing us... Rascal is normally a good dog, but he has some friends with very poor manners... they try to chase Mitsui and I, so we do our usual thing... let the dog catch up and at the last moment slip under the couch and WHAM - the dog hits his head on the wooden base and we stay just out of his reach, until he whines and barks and all the humans are mad at him... then he gets tossed outside, the humans coo at us and after a respectable time period, we allow oursleves to be lured out by treats... training humans is easy, too, but that also is a lesson for another day...

Rascal started chasing us now and again and we decided that we had to put this to an end... Mitsui suggested clawing his nose, but I explained to my dear daughter that we must be more subtle... subtlety wins love and affection from humans (human training and dog training can be done at the same time... yet another lesson)...

I was trying to figure out the best way to go about this... I sat in my favorite person's lap while he was watching football... funny game, they hardly ever use their feet! strange, too - the game was supposed to be the Bengals versus Lions - but there were no tigers, no lions, just humans in weird outfits and big hats, one set of hats with tiger-like stripes, the other with a caricature of a lion on it... huff, quite insulting... and no fun... the next game was supposed to be the Falcons versus the Bears - that sounded interesting - but it was probably just humans again...

There was a short show in the middle of the game about a Polaroid camera... it showed a dog getting blamed for tearing up the trash can, but the cat was supposed to be doing it... in this movie, the dog takes a photo of the cat in the garbage... well, there were many things wrong about this movie... first and foremost, a dog could never think of taking a photo - they don't even get THAT far... either they don't think they'll get caught, or they don't think (probably the later...) secondly, a cat would never fall for such a prank, however a dog...

Yes, a dog, trash hounds, they love to roll in garbage... especially Rascal... and our humans get reallllly mad at him... in fact, they have gates in the kitchen to keep him in there so he won't get upstairs and attack the trash cans! the next time he chased us, I made a lot of hissing sounds, which confused Rascal (he stopped and looked at me...) and one of our humans came into the kitchen to see what was going on... Mitsui sat by the gate and after our human went through, she held the gate open and meowed to Rascal... Rascal saw the open space and ran full speed out of the kitchen, up the stairs and straight to the trash can and made a BIG mess... our humans were really mad and Rascal spent some time in Jail (a kennel in the corner of the kitchen) Mitsui and me sat outside the kennel staring at him and teasing him... we think we've taught him a valuable lesson... DON'T MESS WITH CATS!!!

If subtlety works on a dog...

I hope this has been illuminating for all you kittens and cats out there... if you have any questions, wait until your humans are asleep and then email me and Mitsui!

Zoe aka Zoester the Coaster

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© 1997 - Cynthia Hurley
CGHhome@concentric.net
Monday, March 03, 1997 6:05:37 PM